I love this time of the year, it’s a time of setting new years resolutions, new goals, and exciting plans for the year to come.
As I look back on the year that is about to end, the changes that happened during the year have been mindblowing.
The year started with the exciting plans of moving to Queensland with my partner, from Country Victoria, and settling into our country home on 5 acres. This has been a dream of mine for ages, to live in a cottage in the country. Fast forward a few months and I was packing up and leaving that beautiful area, with only what I could fit in the car. I was discarded, by who I now know is a narcissist. He decided I had served my purpose and became very nasty and I was not putting up with that.
I miss our little house and our visiting kangaroos and the quiet location, but I certainly don’t miss him. I enjoyed a couple of months in Melbourne, catching up with all my friends and family. I have had limited contact with the last couple of years. Partly Covid, but mainly the EX. Looking back the red flags were there. I had no idea what a Narcissist was, I do now!! Melbourne was great, but I couldn’t live there again, it was no longer home for me, so Tasmania, where I grew up, was the place to be.
I have, with the help from family, renovated an old shed on Mum & dads block as a bedsit for me and it has given me the independence I crave, yet still close by for my elderly parents. Perfect solution. I have decorated my space, just the way I like, and no one to criticizse me or make fun of the quirky things I do.
Tassie Life is great and it is certainly different. weather is more moderate and less extreme than Victorian weather. So a whole new wardrobe – thank goodness for op shops as I left the relationship with $20 in my purse, Financial abuse was another thing I left behind.
I started a cleaning business, to bring in some money when I got to Tassie. I could have easily signed up for a carers pension, as Dad has been diagnosed with MND, but that was not an option, as, at 59, I need to think about my financial future. It has been a busy few months, getting the room finished, which it is now and I am starting to get back on my feet financially.
The changes keep coming
I started an online business in personal development, a couple of years ago, which I had enjoyed building, however, once I got to Tassie, I couldn’t get back into it, my ex is part of the business, and energetically he is still part of it. It was costing me money every month, almost as much as my car payment. So I made the decision, to walk away from that business, and do something different, where there was no connection to the EX.
I have been in direct selling, for most of my working life, and qualified for many overseas trips and bought a house and new cars over that time. Due to not getting the right financial advice and not planning for the future – I am not set up the way I should be. So I decided the answer is to get back into what I know with a new company. As I want to buy my own home, a country cottage, this time with my name on the title. I never want to be at the mercy of landlords and the uncertainty of renting. I also have a car in my ex’s name and mine, so that has to go too. I have also missed traveling and so looking forward to a new journey, with a beautiful company, and anti-aging hair & skincare products. I am building a team of like-minded women who are like me, looking for financial stability.
Being financially secure is huge for me, I am not interested in flashy things. I am practical and want to have the income to live comfortably, be able to help my kids and parents out, and not rely on government assistance ever!! So many women in their 50s & 60s are living in precarious situations, on the verge of homelessness and having no job prospects, as too old. It’s scary and also our superannuation is also nonexistent. I have a solution to help women get back on track and change their futures. Direct Selling changed my life many years ago and I am forever grateful. Reach out if you want to talk more about what I am doing.
I am excited about my new journey as I close this year out. It is a year, that will go down as the most challenging year ever, but also the year that has taught me the most lessons. I am resilient, I have bounced back from narcissistic abuse, and I am happier, healthier, and focused on creating a whole new future.
Tasmania was never a place I was ever going to move back to, but I am so glad I did. It is a lovely peaceful, healing place, and so very beautiful.
I have reconnected with friends from my school days and made lovely new friends and strengthened other relationships. Time with my mum and dad is very precious, so I am enjoying this time with them, and being able to help them out in their later years is a gift.
I am no longer cleaning as that was trading time for $$$ and not going to help me to buy a home. I am now fully focused on building my direct selling business and also having time to help out Mum & Dad as they need it. I choose how I spend my time and that is hugely important to me. Every day is a gift and I plan to enjoy it.
I have set my goals and put plans in place and I am so ready to kick off 2023 next week and create a completely new future. In the meantime, I am enjoying this time with my family. My youngest grandson and his mum & dad, who are visiting from Melbourne, and some downtime.
Yes, it was a fairy tale, I was looking for a life partner, and I had decided I wanted to meet someone to set up a house with and create a future with. I was 56 and I didn’t want to be alone. For some reason, I had made the decision, I couldn’t be happy unless I was with someone. Really!!!
How it all began. I had been house-sitting for quite a few years, Uber driving, and earning my income online. I had settled in a lovely part of Northeast Victoria in Milawa, and I was setting up a home. I was upcycling furniture and enjoying myself by making my home a home. I attended a local market as a stall holder only a few weeks after moving there and this lovely Rotarian helped me carry my table. We had an instant connection and the fairy tale began. Coffee that afternoon ended up being dinner, roast lamb to be exact, and he had reeled me in hook line & sinker.
Within 2 weeks he was declaring his love for me and we were spending so much time together. I lived about 50 mins away, so within a month or two he started saying, I could move in with him. I hesitated as it seemed all a bit quick, but they are so convincing and within 5 months I had given up my independence and moved in with him. I look back now and shake my head, as there were so many RED FLAGS, but I had no idea about narcissists.
I am a very trusting person and always see the good in people. So I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. On the surface, he was an amazing guy and we were so good together, in hindsight – it is called the LOVE BOMBING Stage. They also mirror you. They act as someone as though they are just like you and just what you need in order to manipulate you as they please.
Life was great, we set up a house together, and we had some fights, but nothing major, I put it down to learning how to live together. I did start to notice he was quite demanding of my attention, but hey, I thought that was normal. In my last relationship, I was with a guy and we lived in separate houses, so it was totally different, and my marriage to my kid’s dad was not a love affair by any means. We married very young and just drifted apart.
So in my eyes, I really thought I had struck gold and had a real relationship where I was loved and adored. As for RED FLAGS, like 2 ex-wives, a string of girlfriends, moving 500 plus km away to start afresh, I look at that now, and really all the signs were there. I had no idea!!!! I was oblivious to everything.
Life was great – we took country drives, traveled to Perth, and Tassie, and had a great time exploring. I really thought I was settled for life.
Slowly a few things happened, threats every time we had an argument, I had to pack up and leave, but I am stubborn. I had nowhere to go, so I was stuck. And then we would makeup and it would be great again. All the time we were together the 3 years & 3 months though, I was being manipulated, undermined, and isolated from my friends and family.
Again though I had no idea. Most of the time, we were great together and we had a great time together. Again that is how good the Covert Narcissist is at hiding their true agenda. So why would I even think anything was wrong.
Fast forward to a couple of years and we decided to make the move to Queensland that’s where it all started to come apart. That’s for another blog though.
I want to leave you with a few thoughts.
I have learned so much about Narcissuits, especially Covert Narcissists. I have also been blown away by how many people have been affected by them and also know there are so many people that have no idea they are in a narcissistic relationship. So my hope is by sharing my story. and I have lots more to share, as someone who was a very confident person, to be reduced to a person, in my daughter’s words as shrinking!!! I am not going to be quiet, I am shouting from the rooftops to help other women escape from these horrible horrible relationships.
Stay tuned for the continuation of the ” Fairytale” and if you can relate or have had a similar experience comment below
This is a great little story on why having pointless discussions makes no sense – it is so important to protect your mindset. Trying to convince other people of your opinion – is futile and it leaves you feeling worse than ever. This is very prevalent at the moment with the divided views in the media and with friends & family.
Enjoy the story and I hope it helps. Julie
The donkey told the tiger, “The grass is blue.”
The tiger replied, “No, the grass is green.”
The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion.
As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn’t it true that the grass is blue?”
The lion replied: “If you believe it is true, the grass is blue.”
The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him.”
The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence.”
The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue…”
The tiger asked the lion, “Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?”
The lion replied, ′′You’ve known and seen the grass is green.”
The tiger asked, ′′So why do you punish me?”
The lion replied, “That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass, and on top of that, you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true!”
The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn’t care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions.
Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people
who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, others who are blinded by ego, hatred, and resentment and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t.
When ignorance screams – intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquility are worth more