I am back house sitting and it feels great. It feels so good to enjoy house sitting again. I enjoyed a lovely 6 week sit in Melbourne back in June, which gave me the space after leaving my ex in QLD and making the move away from a toxic situation to heal and entertain friends and learn to be on my own again.
I am building my online income so I can do more and more of this. I am currently house-sitting in a gorgeous cabin on Table Cape, not far from my home base, where I am living with my parents.
The views are amazing and it is a very tranquil spot to relax,
I have had some lovely house sits over the years, all around Melbourne, & Victoria, NSW & Perth, I have enjoyed coastal sits and country sits and beautiful homes and lovely animals.
All with varying lengths from a few days to 3 months. It is a great way to explore areas and live like a local, as that is the only way I travel. I like to blend in. It’s fun exploring areas and having the time to do so.
I gave up house sitting years ago, as I wanted to settle in one spot, which I did in the lovely town of Milawa, in Northeast Victoria, and then after meeting my Ex ( Narc) I moved to Wodonga.
We did enjoy a couple of house sits together. However, he liked to take all the credit for how good he was with the animals.
I look back and not once did he acknowledge that it was my experience and my reputation and reviews that got us the house sit, hence saving us $100’s in accommodation in Perth, where we went for a friend’s wedding, and Melbourne to catch up with family.
They do twist things around to suit themselves.
A home base is important to me and that will not change, however, I will continue to do occasional house sits, mainly in Tassie as there is so much of this lovely state to see. Although I grew up here, I left when I was 30, and there are so many places, I would like to explore and revisit and have more time to enjoy what Tassie has to offer.
I highly recommend house sitting as a great way to travel and explore and happy to share any advice, just reach out.
A couple of things that help are a current Police Check and even some practice sits for friends to get some references.
I have always been crafty, I remember my nana always crocheting, doing very intricate work and cross stitch and I still have some of her doilies she made to this day. Mum was always very crafty, making perspex bags, copper pictures, cross stitch, and many more things. So it was only natural that I followed the same path. I remember doing a latchet look rug and a patchwork quilt when I was young.
When I started a family, I started sewing kids’ clothes and selling them at markets. I loved it as I was able to stay home with them and still earn an income. Was the time before the internet, however, the markets were very busy, as we didn’t have the 7-day-a-week shopping. By the time I had my daughter Jess, I was over it but I always made things. I learned patchwork and making teddy bears and many more things, I also taught Jess to sew and she has a thriving business on Etsy and I am very proud of her. Check out her site here Wesley & Tink
Over the years I have dabbled in painting furniture. I remember doing it with ordinary house paint, back when I lived in Mernda, and have always had a desire to take it seriously. However, living a nomad lifestyle for years, it was never possible until I started the stall at the Daylesford Mill Markets. I really enjoyed my vintage stall. It was a shame to close it, but it was not viable once I moved from Melbourne to regional Victoria.
Meeting the Narc.
It was this time that I met my ex at a local market, selling upcycled things and vintage, as by then I had settled in Milawa and was just getting set up doing some furniture, I had a shed, and room to do things.
At the time he was very helpful and showed an interest in what I did. I now know he was mirroring me, and it was all an act. Read more about Mirroring here.
After only a few months I moved in with him and he made a big show of giving me space in his shed and showing me how to do things with tools again. I thought it was great, but I had no idea he was slowly chipping away and taking my love of doing things from me. There was no interest shown. He joked about how messy I was, and how I had to factor my time in on each piece, making it all about profits and money. This is important if it is a business, however, this was a hobby. and it was for enjoyment. Eventually, I stopped doing things, even selling unfinished pieces, because I had believed I no longer wanted to paint furniture.
However it is in my DNA and last year before we moved to QLD, I decided to paint some of our furniture. I remember one incident where after paying for good paint in a lovely creamy colour, which would suit the Boho / Scandi look better I had decorated the house with, he hated it and made me change the colour to an antique white. We had a massive row about it, so I changed the colour and I only ever painted one piece. It was not the look I was going for and the other piece went to QLD, and to this day it is still unpainted.
I had planned to paint it during our time with our friend, but it was all too hard, I had no desire or energy to do it.
The house we had moved to in QLD had an awesome shed just for me, I was excited to finally have my own shed, and this time I thought I could finally take this painting gig seriously because until then I still had no idea, I was living with a narcissist.
However, that’s not what happened, I was working so much, and had no energy. I thought I didn’t have the time, but that’s not what it was. I now look back and can see, that I was mentally exhausted from the constant arguments and how I was being treated, and he had undermined me so long and taken away my creative spirit that it all felt too hard. I think I only had a couple of sessions in the shed, and that was it.
One of the other things I started to learn was macrame and I loved it, as painting is a messy hobby and I found macrame very relaxing and good meditation.
The Tipping Point
One of the tipping points to make me leave when I did, was a couple of nights before, I was learning plant hangers and I had nearly finished one on a Saturday afternoon, the only time I had to do things, and had to stop as the routine was afternoon drinks, something I went along with it, and initially used to enjoy, I now know it was a control thing.
He went and had his shower, so I decided to finish the plant holder, after getting dinner on. He came out from the shower and checked on dinner, hadn’t said a word, and then he started raging about the fact, that macrame was more important than him, it was Saturday night and I should have been spending time with him, we had plenty of time before dinner, I “should” have joined him in the shower etc etc ( dinner was at 6 every night – another rigid control thing)
By this time I had stopped reacting, So I just picked up the stand, walked out of the room and my only comment was, “ so I am no longer allowed to have a hobby”
I was very aware of the dangers of reactive abuse by this stage, hence I no longer was reacting and lashing back, they push your buttons so much, you appear to be the crazy one and the bully, and they then end up being the victim. It does make things harder when you stop reacting as they hate it, so they keep pushing your buttons to get you to react.
What I do find interesting is he had no hobbies at all, it was only work and more work – this is very common in narcs, it’s all about work and a huge emphasis on money…
Life after living with a narc.
Once I knew I had to leave, I started making plans, and one of the things I decided to do was get back to my crocheting, something else I loved, and do my macrame and do some local markets. A roll of cord I ordered on eBay arrived early on the day I left, (didn’t know I was leaving that day) so that was lucky.
The first thing did when I arrived in Melbourne, was buy some cotton yarn and by the second week I was crocheting bags, and dishcloths and trying out heaps of different patterns,
Crocheting is very soothing and I call it my therapy – as I produced so much, but it certainly helped calm my mind and recover from the emotional abuse. . I believe that has been a huge factor in how I feel today, totally at peace and happy and I feel like me again.
If you are struggling with life, definitely consider doing something, Youtube is brilliant to teach yourself anything. That’s how I learned to crochet & macrame.
With the help of a friend, I came up with the name “ Miss Daisy Rose, Repurposed and Upcycled Home Decor and Macrame I started sourcing fabrics – ladies’ shirts and dresses all in natural fibres to make things to sell, so it’s all about using what is already out in the world, rather than buying new and saving things from landfill. I am an avid op shopper and love that I get to do this all the time. Another thing my ex hated. Everything had to be new.
“It’s not about what it is, It is about what it can become”. Dr Seuss
I did manage to get my sewing machine, left my overlocker behind, it was in a cupboard, I had forgotten about it, I have since picked up another one locally. I sourced some racks to do my macrame, as I left them all behind, I only had an hour to pack. So it’s great to be set up with what I need, op shos and marketplace have been brilliant.
I have recently found a local place, where I can lease a space, and set it up and do my furniture a couple of days a week, which is perfect as it’s not practical to do it where I am living and now I can finally take this painting gig seriously. More to come on that in a few weeks.
I look back and reflect and shake my head sometimes as to how it happened, but you really have no idea what is going on, I certainly was not over painting or doing things it’s just that they suck the life out of you and you have no room to do anything extra, it takes all your energy just to do the normal things.
We only have so much bandwidth ( our processing capacity ) Every mental or physical action takes some bandwidth and when it is overloaded, you can’t cope
I have had so much energy since leaving, it is amazing how much I can get done in a day and I no longer feel drained and exhausted.
Life is certainly better and things are working out nicely.
I encourage you to take up a hobby, as it is the best thing for healing, and your emotional well-being, and I hope this post has been helpful. Feel free to share
Today more than ever, looking after our mindset is very important. Inner Peace and living your values is the key to a happy life.
Inner Peace, isn’t that what we’d all love to experience consistently as we weave our paths through everything life gives us? The good news is it is far simpler to attain than many of our outer (material or physical) goals. The bad news is that simple isn’t always easy! Attaining inner peace is not easy because it means replacing old habits with new ones, and that requires dedicated commitment. But the benefits are absolutely worth the effort.
Inner peace gives you the ability to live your life with a sense of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment which is not disturbed or influenced by outside events. How do you acquire it? By living your life your own way, not how others think you should. By not worrying about what others think of you – we all judge others (both positively and negatively) according to our own values, but if we try to live our lives in a way which honours somebody else’s values rather than our own, we’ll always have a little gnawing discomfort going on deep inside.
To experience inner peace, we also need to be able to forgive and let go of guilt. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Feeling guilty about past actions won’t change them and won’t make anybody feel any better (either you or the person whom you’ve hurt). Do what you can to put things right, resolve to do better in the future, and move on.
Likewise, letting go of anger or grudges will bring about a surprising sense of peace. Think about it – how does holding onto these negative emotions help you? And do you think they hurt those against whom you hold them more than they hurt you? Not at all. They are your emotions and you are the only person whom they can harm.
Of course, it can be very difficult to forgive someone who’s hurt you, but what I’ve come to realize is that most people don’t maliciously set out to hurt others, and those who do are deeply unhappy themselves. The motivation behind their action was most probably some kind of fear rather than deliberately wanting to cause hurt or pain. And thought of in that context, it’s easier to let it go.
And with a little bit of practice at forgiveness, you may even find yourself getting less annoyed or angry with people in future. When you can shrug things off and not take things personally (it’s really about them, and not you at all), you’ll have a greater sense of inner peace. Our happiness is determined by how we think about the events in our lives, rather than by the events themselves. Take charge of your thoughts and you take charge of your emotions.
To achieve inner peace, you also need to let go of worry. Hmm, another tricky one! Worry is similar to guilt. Worrying about what might or might not happen is completely unproductive, and totally destroys your ability to enjoy the present moment. A great shame that, as the present moment is all we really have.
Practicing Yoga & Meditation is a great way to achieve inner peace and something I am very mindful of doing as often as possible
So, how do we learn to let go of worries, guilt, and anger? Well, the first thing is to become consciously aware of what we’re thinking whenever we feel worried, guilty, or angry. Notice what’s going on in your inner dialogue, and acknowledge that it’s your thoughts about the external event that’s causing you to feel the way you do, and not the event itself. Then reframe your thoughts to reflect on what’s going on around you in a more positive light. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about an old thought, banish it immediately and replace it with the new one.
“No one can create negativity or stress within you. Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer
This will take a lot of practice but with patience and persistence you will develop a lighter inner dialogue that promotes a feeling of well-being and inner peace, and the world will feel like a far better place to live in!
I hope you found some value in this post. I would love for you to comment and share
Gratitude is something new to me, for a long time, my entire focus was on all that was going wrong, and guess what I got more of the same. Life was a struggle, either no time or not enough money coming in each week. I also took so many things for granted.
It wasn’t until I had a very close call one day, where I almost fell over a rocky ledge, I started thinking about how grateful I was to be alive and not in a mess at the bottom of a rocky gorge,
I started the practice of gratitude. Every night before I go to sleep I say 3 things I am grateful for. Don’t be like me and wait for something to happen – get in the habit now. It will change the way you live your life.
Without gratitude, life is more challenging than it needs to be. We can get so consumed with all that is going on that we have to make a conscious effort to practice gratitude.
During the day, if I am feeling flat, pessimistic, or overwhelmed, a little gratitude can help me bounce back and lift my mood.
I am now starting my day with what I am grateful for. Wayne Dwyer in his movie “The Shift” wakes up every morning saying Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
It is so easy to get out of bed and just start doing things, take some time and say what you are grateful for or write it in a journal.
It is a simple practice to get into the habit of practicing gratitude every day and this is a beautiful gift you can give yourself.
Gratitude is free, enjoyable, effective, and a beautiful way to live your life.
Here are 12 practical ways to practice gratitude to help youget into the gratitude mindset.
12 Practical Ways to Practice Gratitude
Practice gratitude each day with these actions:
Write it down. Make a daily habit of writing down a few things that you can be grateful about. Ideally, you’ll do this early and late in the day. It gets your day off on the right foot and sets you up for a good night of sleep.
Be grateful for the little things. There are plenty of small things you can be grateful for each day. A great cup of coffee, the sound of birds in the morning, or the fact that you have a comfortable bed to sleep in or clean sheets are very easy to be grateful for.
Go for a gratitude walk. This is a great way to get out of your head. Go for a walk and look for things that you can be grateful for. A beautiful tree, flowers blooming in a garden, a child playing, a friendly dog, or a nice, cool breeze are all things you could choose to feel gratitude about.
Avoid Comparing. When you compare one thing to another, you demean it. Be grateful for something exactly as it is. This applies to people and things.
Tell people you’re thankful. Show people that you’re grateful for thanking them. Whether it’s your neighbor for keeping his garden so tidy and neat or the shop assistant when you are shopping. Be thankful and let them know about it.
Enjoy your animals . Pets give us plenty of reasons to feel gratitude. Give your pet some extra attention. You’ll both feel great.
Donate your time or money. Give your resources to something that you think is valuable to the world. It could be a charity or other organization. Time and money can have a great impact.
Make a list of things that you like about yourself. Have a little gratitude for yourself, too. What do you like when you take a long, hard look at yourself? You’ll not only be expressing gratitude, but you’ll also be doing wonders for your self-esteem.
Write a positive review for a business you appreciate. Business owners love positive reviews. It makes them feel good and can boost their business. Be supportive and express your gratitude.
Meditate on the things that you’re grateful for. Put your focus and attention on those things you’re most grateful for. You might develop an even greater appreciation for them.
Minimize judging and complaining. Judging and complaining are the opposite of gratitude. People that do this aren’t enjoyable to be around, either. Keep your negative thoughts and opinions to yourself. Avoid judging others and you’ll find that you’re happier and less stressed.
12. Be thankful at mealtimes. Since you eat at least one meal each day, this is a great way to develop a habit of expressing gratitude.
Be grateful for everything you have. This is so important as sometimes it can be hard to see this. I know I struggled with this when money was tight and debt was piling up. I know now life would have been easier if I had practiced gratitude on a daily basis.
That doesn’t mean you have to be satisfied with your current situation or settle for less, but you can still be grateful for what you do have.
Practice gratitude. Your mood and perspective will be lifted. You will lift other people around you up and your opportunities for success will increase.
By doing all this you will receive even more good things to be grateful for!
Start today with your gratitude practice and I would love to hear from you if this post has helped you or please share different things you do to practice gratitude.
I found this delightful story and decided to share. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
The Daffodil Principle
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.” I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. “I will come next Tuesday”, I promised a little reluctantly on her third. call.
Next Tuesday dawned, cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and I reluctantly drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren. “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds. and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children. that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!” My daughter smiled calmly and said, “We drive in this all the time,
Mother.” “Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears, and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her. “But first we’re going to see the daffodils. It’s just a few blocks,” Carolyn said. “I’ll drive. I’m used to this.”
“Carolyn,” I said sternly, “Please turn around.” “It’s all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”
After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand-lettered sign with an arrow that read, “Daffodil Garden.” We got out of the car, each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped.
Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.
There were five acres of flowers. “Who did this?” I asked Carolyn. “Just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.” Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.
On the patio, we saw a poster. “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking”, was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. “50,000bulbs,” it read. The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.” The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”
For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun,one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.
One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time–often just one baby-step at time–and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we, too, will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world. “It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”
My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. “Start tomorrow,” she said. She was right. It’s so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterday. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, “How can I put this to use today?”
Use the Daffodil Principle.
This is such a powerful message. – There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don’t need money. Love like you have never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching.