Yes, it was a fairy tale, I was looking for a life partner, and I had decided I wanted to meet someone to set up a house with and create a future with. I was 56 and I didn’t want to be alone. For some reason, I had made the decision, I couldn’t be happy unless I was with someone. Really!!!
How it all began. I had been house-sitting for quite a few years, Uber driving, and earning my income online. I had settled in a lovely part of Northeast Victoria in Milawa, and I was setting up a home. I was upcycling furniture and enjoying myself by making my home a home. I attended a local market as a stall holder only a few weeks after moving there and this lovely Rotarian helped me carry my table. We had an instant connection and the fairy tale began. Coffee that afternoon ended up being dinner, roast lamb to be exact, and he had reeled me in hook line & sinker.
Within 2 weeks he was declaring his love for me and we were spending so much time together. I lived about 50 mins away, so within a month or two he started saying, I could move in with him. I hesitated as it seemed all a bit quick, but they are so convincing and within 5 months I had given up my independence and moved in with him. I look back now and shake my head, as there were so many RED FLAGS, but I had no idea about narcissists.
I am a very trusting person and always see the good in people. So I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. On the surface, he was an amazing guy and we were so good together, in hindsight – it is called the LOVE BOMBING Stage. They also mirror you. They act as someone as though they are just like you and just what you need in order to manipulate you as they please.
Life was great, we set up a house together, and we had some fights, but nothing major, I put it down to learning how to live together. I did start to notice he was quite demanding of my attention, but hey, I thought that was normal. In my last relationship, I was with a guy and we lived in separate houses, so it was totally different, and my marriage to my kid’s dad was not a love affair by any means. We married very young and just drifted apart.
So in my eyes, I really thought I had struck gold and had a real relationship where I was loved and adored. As for RED FLAGS, like 2 ex-wives, a string of girlfriends, moving 500 plus km away to start afresh, I look at that now, and really all the signs were there. I had no idea!!!! I was oblivious to everything.
Life was great – we took country drives, traveled to Perth, and Tassie, and had a great time exploring. I really thought I was settled for life.
Slowly a few things happened, threats every time we had an argument, I had to pack up and leave, but I am stubborn. I had nowhere to go, so I was stuck. And then we would makeup and it would be great again. All the time we were together the 3 years & 3 months though, I was being manipulated, undermined, and isolated from my friends and family.
Again though I had no idea. Most of the time, we were great together and we had a great time together. Again that is how good the Covert Narcissist is at hiding their true agenda. So why would I even think anything was wrong.
Fast forward to a couple of years and we decided to make the move to Queensland that’s where it all started to come apart. That’s for another blog though.
I want to leave you with a few thoughts.
I have learned so much about Narcissuits, especially Covert Narcissists. I have also been blown away by how many people have been affected by them and also know there are so many people that have no idea they are in a narcissistic relationship. So my hope is by sharing my story. and I have lots more to share, as someone who was a very confident person, to be reduced to a person, in my daughter’s words as shrinking!!! I am not going to be quiet, I am shouting from the rooftops to help other women escape from these horrible horrible relationships.
Stay tuned for the continuation of the ” Fairytale” and if you can relate or have had a similar experience comment below
Today more than ever, looking after our mindset is very important. Inner Peace and living your values is the key to a happy life.
Inner Peace, isn’t that what we’d all love to experience consistently as we weave our paths through everything life gives us? The good news is it is far simpler to attain than many of our outer (material or physical) goals. The bad news is that simple isn’t always easy! Attaining inner peace is not easy because it means replacing old habits with new ones, and that requires dedicated commitment. But the benefits are absolutely worth the effort.
Inner peace gives you the ability to live your life with a sense of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment which is not disturbed or influenced by outside events. How do you acquire it? By living your life your own way, not how others think you should. By not worrying about what others think of you – we all judge others (both positively and negatively) according to our own values, but if we try to live our lives in a way which honours somebody else’s values rather than our own, we’ll always have a little gnawing discomfort going on deep inside.
To experience inner peace, we also need to be able to forgive and let go of guilt. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Feeling guilty about past actions won’t change them and won’t make anybody feel any better (either you or the person whom you’ve hurt). Do what you can to put things right, resolve to do better in the future, and move on.
Likewise, letting go of anger or grudges will bring about a surprising sense of peace. Think about it – how does holding onto these negative emotions help you? And do you think they hurt those against whom you hold them more than they hurt you? Not at all. They are your emotions and you are the only person whom they can harm.
Of course, it can be very difficult to forgive someone who’s hurt you, but what I’ve come to realize is that most people don’t maliciously set out to hurt others, and those who do are deeply unhappy themselves. The motivation behind their action was most probably some kind of fear rather than deliberately wanting to cause hurt or pain. And thought of in that context, it’s easier to let it go.
And with a little bit of practice at forgiveness, you may even find yourself getting less annoyed or angry with people in future. When you can shrug things off and not take things personally (it’s really about them, and not you at all), you’ll have a greater sense of inner peace. Our happiness is determined by how we think about the events in our lives, rather than by the events themselves. Take charge of your thoughts and you take charge of your emotions.
To achieve inner peace, you also need to let go of worry. Hmm, another tricky one! Worry is similar to guilt. Worrying about what might or might not happen is completely unproductive, and totally destroys your ability to enjoy the present moment. A great shame that, as the present moment is all we really have
Practicing Yoga & Meditation is a great way to achieve inner peace and something I am very mindful of doing as often as possible
So, how do we learn to let go of worries, guilt, and anger? Well, the first thing is to become consciously aware of what we’re thinking whenever we feel worried, guilty, or angry. Notice what’s going on in your inner dialogue, and acknowledge that it’s your thoughts about the external event that’s causing you to feel the way you do, and not the event itself. Then reframe your thoughts to reflect on what’s going on around you in a more positive light. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about an old thought, banish it immediately and replace it with the new one.
“No one can create negativity or stress within you. Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer
This will take a lot of practice but with patience and persistence you will develop a lighter inner dialogue that promotes a feeling of well-being and inner peace, and the world will feel like a far better place to live in!
I hope you found some value in this post. I would love for you to comment and share
Gratitude is something new to me, for a long time, my entire focus was on all that was going wrong, and guess what I got more of the same. Life was a struggle, either no time or not enough money coming in each week. I also took so many things for granted.
It wasn’t until I had a very close call one day, where I almost fell over a rocky ledge, I started thinking about how grateful I was to be alive and not in a mess at the bottom of a rocky gorge,
I started the practice of gratitude. Every night before I go to sleep I say 3 things I am grateful for. Don’t be like me and wait for something to happen – get in the habit now. It will change the way you live your life.
Without gratitude, life is more challenging than it needs to be. We can get so consumed with all that is going on that we have to make a conscious effort to practice gratitude.
During the day, if I am feeling flat, pessimistic, or overwhelmed, a little gratitude can help me bounce back and lift my mood.
I am now starting my day with what I am grateful for. Wayne Dwyer in his movie “The Shift” wakes up every morning saying Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
It is so easy to get out of bed and just start doing things, take some time and say what you are grateful for or write it in a journal.
It is a simple practice to get into the habit of practicing gratitude every day and this is a beautiful gift you can give yourself.
Gratitude is free, enjoyable, effective, and a beautiful way to live your life.
Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.
Here are 12 practical ways to practice gratitude to help youget into the gratitude mindset.
12 Practical Ways to Practice Gratitude
Practice gratitude each day with these actions:
Write it down. Make a daily habit of writing down a few things that you can be grateful about. Ideally, you’ll do this early and late in the day. It gets your day off on the right foot and sets you up for a good night of sleep.
Be grateful for the little things. There are plenty of small things you can be grateful for each day. A great cup of coffee, the sound of birds in the morning, or the fact that you have a comfortable bed to sleep in or clean sheets are very easy to be grateful for.
Go for a gratitude walk. This is a great way to get out of your head. Go for a walk and look for things that you can be grateful for. A beautiful tree, flowers blooming in a garden, a child playing, a friendly dog, or a nice, cool breeze are all things you could choose to feel gratitude about.
Avoid Comparing. When you compare one thing to another, you demean it. Be grateful for something exactly as it is. This applies to people and things.
Tell people you’re thankful. Show people that you’re grateful for thanking them. Whether it’s your neighbor for keeping his garden so tidy and neat or the shop assistant when you are shopping. Be thankful and let them know about it.
Enjoy your animals . Pets give us plenty of reasons to feel gratitude. Give your pet some extra attention. You’ll both feel great.
Donate your time or money. Give your resources to something that you think is valuable to the world. It could be a charity or other organization. Time and money can have a great impact.
Make a list of things that you like about yourself. Have a little gratitude for yourself, too. What do you like when you take a long, hard look at yourself? You’ll not only be expressing gratitude, but you’ll also be doing wonders for your self-esteem.
Write a positive review for a business you appreciate. Business owners love positive reviews. It makes them feel good and can boost their business. Be supportive and express your gratitude.
Meditate on the things that you’re grateful for. Put your focus and attention on those things you’re most grateful for. You might develop an even greater appreciation for them.
Minimize judging and complaining. Judging and complaining are the opposite of gratitude. People that do this aren’t enjoyable to be around, either. Keep your negative thoughts and opinions to yourself. Avoid judging others and you’ll find that you’re happier and less stressed.
12. Be thankful at mealtimes. Since you eat at least one meal each day, this is a great way to develop a habit of expressing gratitude.
Be grateful for everything you have. This is so important as sometimes it can be hard to see this. I know I struggled with this when money was tight and debt was piling up. I know now life would have been easier if I had practiced gratitude on a daily basis.
That doesn’t mean you have to be satisfied with your current situation or settle for less, but you can still be grateful for what you do have.
Practice gratitude. Your mood and perspective will be lifted. You will lift other people around you up and your opportunities for success will increase.
By doing all this you will receive even more good things to be grateful for!
Start today with your gratitude practice and I would love to hear from you if this post has helped you or please share different things you do to practice gratitude.
Until next time
Julie
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” Oprah Winfrey
Welcome to my updated blog sharing all things for women over 50.
For years I have enjoyed playing on WordPress and blogs, but have only dabbled and never really knew what to blog about, convinced myself I wasn’t a writer, that was a story I was telling myself, Listened to other people, and believed them too.
Thanks to the personal development courses in my online business I decided why not me!!
I just need to find something I could write about easily and after some thinking and pondering on my daily walks – My 50 Plus Life was born. This is very relevant to me and I have had a varied life and lots to share.
I am going to share my journey as I navigate stage 3 of my adult life.
Stage 1– Married, mum of 3 children – all now grown up.
Stage 2 – Divorced in my 40’s – House sitting and literally running away from all responsibilities – more to share on that story one day.
Stage 3 – I am 58, a grandmother, and in a relatively new relationship with all the joys of sharing a house. Plus to top it off, we have moved from Victoria to Queensland to start in a new area. We have bought a little house on 5 acres, with lots of projects.
I will also be blogging about lots of other lifestyle things, relevant to women in their 50’s and beyond as this can be such a confusing time in our life. Women often find themselves, on their own and in dicey financial situations, due to marriage breakups. Or it’s a time when children have left home and they find themselves at a loose end, It is often a time of transition and reinventing, as well as struggling with body issues, menopause, and health challenges.
i
Loving Life
I actually feel & look younger today, than I did 20 years ago. It is a minefield out there with all the mixed messages for women in their 50’s and I aim to share parts of my journey along the way as I navigate life in my 50’s and beyond.
I have overcome body issues, being too old to wear that, too skinny to wear that, etc, etc. My hope is, if I can inspire someone to embrace who they are and become comfortable in their own skin, – then that would be great.
I am planning to live well into my 90’s – my dear grandmother did, so why not me, so that gives me 30 years or so, so being fit and healthy is so very important.
I hope you follow along with this blog, which is far from perfect. I will be changing the theme shortly and adding more pages, but I remember a story about a lady that painted a few rooms in her house one weekend while her hubby was away and a friend came around to see how she went and it was all done. Her friend said, – how did you get the clothes dryer down?” The lady said, oh I didn’t – I painted around it. Her friend who was a perfectionist was horrified that she did that. Her friend said – DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT!! How true is this, so many times we delay things, waiting for them to be perfect. So my motto is, start sharing on this blog and tweak it as I go.
I am busy with my online business, so this blog is purely a hobby, a fun one, and great to do on rainy days when I can’t get outside in the garden or do some painting – I love upcycling furniture too – more on that hobby later.
In the meantime – follow me on Facebook or Instagram as I would love to get to know you
This is a great little story on why having pointless discussions makes no sense – it is so important to protect your mindset. Trying to convince other people of your opinion – is futile and it leaves you feeling worse than ever. This is very prevalent at the moment with the divided views in the media and with friends & family.
Enjoy the story and I hope it helps. Julie
The donkey told the tiger, “The grass is blue.”
The tiger replied, “No, the grass is green.”
The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion.
As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn’t it true that the grass is blue?”
The lion replied: “If you believe it is true, the grass is blue.”
The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him.”
The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence.”
The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue…”
The tiger asked the lion, “Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?”
The lion replied, ′′You’ve known and seen the grass is green.”
The tiger asked, ′′So why do you punish me?”
The lion replied, “That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass, and on top of that, you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true!”
The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn’t care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions.
Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people
who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, others who are blinded by ego, hatred, and resentment and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t.
When ignorance screams – intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquility are worth more
