Yes, it was a fairy tale, I was looking for a life partner, and I had decided I wanted to meet someone to set up a house with and create a future with. I was 56 and I didn’t want to be alone. For some reason, I had made the decision, I couldn’t be happy unless I was with someone. Really!!!
How it all began. I had been house-sitting for quite a few years, Uber driving, and earning my income online. I had settled in a lovely part of Northeast Victoria in Milawa, and I was setting up a home. I was upcycling furniture and enjoying myself by making my home a home. I attended a local market as a stall holder only a few weeks after moving there and this lovely Rotarian helped me carry my table. We had an instant connection and the fairy tale began. Coffee that afternoon ended up being dinner, roast lamb to be exact, and he had reeled me in hook line & sinker.
Within 2 weeks he was declaring his love for me and we were spending so much time together. I lived about 50 mins away, so within a month or two he started saying, I could move in with him. I hesitated as it seemed all a bit quick, but they are so convincing and within 5 months I had given up my independence and moved in with him. I look back now and shake my head, as there were so many RED FLAGS, but I had no idea about narcissists.
I am a very trusting person and always see the good in people. So I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. On the surface, he was an amazing guy and we were so good together, in hindsight – it is called the LOVE BOMBING Stage. They also mirror you. They act as someone as though they are just like you and just what you need in order to manipulate you as they please.
Life was great, we set up a house together, and we had some fights, but nothing major, I put it down to learning how to live together. I did start to notice he was quite demanding of my attention, but hey, I thought that was normal. In my last relationship, I was with a guy and we lived in separate houses, so it was totally different, and my marriage to my kid’s dad was not a love affair by any means. We married very young and just drifted apart.
So in my eyes, I really thought I had struck gold and had a real relationship where I was loved and adored. As for RED FLAGS, like 2 ex-wives, a string of girlfriends, moving 500 plus km away to start afresh, I look at that now, and really all the signs were there. I had no idea!!!! I was oblivious to everything.
Life was great – we took country drives, traveled to Perth, and Tassie, and had a great time exploring. I really thought I was settled for life.
Slowly a few things happened, threats every time we had an argument, I had to pack up and leave, but I am stubborn. I had nowhere to go, so I was stuck. And then we would makeup and it would be great again. All the time we were together the 3 years & 3 months though, I was being manipulated, undermined, and isolated from my friends and family.
Again though I had no idea. Most of the time, we were great together and we had a great time together. Again that is how good the Covert Narcissist is at hiding their true agenda. So why would I even think anything was wrong.
Fast forward to a couple of years and we decided to make the move to Queensland that’s where it all started to come apart. That’s for another blog though.
I want to leave you with a few thoughts.
I have learned so much about Narcissuits, especially Covert Narcissists. I have also been blown away by how many people have been affected by them and also know there are so many people that have no idea they are in a narcissistic relationship. So my hope is by sharing my story. and I have lots more to share, as someone who was a very confident person, to be reduced to a person, in my daughter’s words as shrinking!!! I am not going to be quiet, I am shouting from the rooftops to help other women escape from these horrible horrible relationships.
Stay tuned for the continuation of the ” Fairytale” and if you can relate or have had a similar experience comment below
Lets Connect
Thank you for sharing your journey, this will help others. So happy you are out, safe and moving forward.
Thank you for your comment Rhonda, yes I hope it does help others,
Sorry to hear that, glad you managed to get out Julie. My parents, especially my father is a narcissist and extremely mentally and emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative and gaslighting issues and has serious anger issues. Mum is a compulsive liar and both of them show histrionic personality traits & also no loving vibes very cold. I cut them off a couple years ago and I don’t regret it one bit. I don’t miss them, they were never loving, I only have negative memories of them. Best decision I made was a no contact rule and blocking them. I still deal with bad anxiety and ptsd issues from it and next to no sleep but it is still easier when I don’t still have them in my life. Took me 32 years to block them🙄
So sorry to hear you went through that with your parents and good for you for taking your power back and choosing you.
Hi Julie. You sure have been on a journey and a half. Thank you for sharing your journey, it will help other women to see where they are on their journey also. I will look out for the next blog. Again, thank you for sharing
Thanks, Ros, appreciate your words, and lets hope so re helping other women
Congratulations Julie on braving the unknown and getting out of your situation and speaking out on narcissistic abuse, in my line of work I hear some horrific stories of women who escaped from very bad relationships not just physical but psychological and financial abuse.
I thank God for my family who rescued me as a 22 year old with an abusive partner who started stalking me, it only just surfaced again when I realised my most recent violent encounter with my ex housemate had really triggered unresolved trauma with what happened to me three. Even though he didn’t physically hurt me he was very intimidating. I was having nightmares and uneasy for months thinking he and his merry band of followers would come to hurt me or my family. I feel safe now. Take care of yourself. This is time for you now.
Thank you Marie, and sorry to hear about your experience and great you had a family to help you. Am also glad your housemate is an ex too. You take care too,
Thank you Julie
Yes there are so many narcissist behaviour that so many people are not aware of.
They are all selfish.
When you are in a relationship with one of this.
They accept you to give yourself up as a person and eventually you have not much left the longer you stay in that relationship.
You own options don’t count. Nothing you say or do counts.
They will isolate you from your family friends.
Each time you have a disagreements, when he doesn’t like this person or that thing.
He will then make up. Like buy your flowers, perfume jewellery clothing
Take you out and show you of.
Till the next time.
The circle continues, he will not leave.
You will need the strength to leave, take everything that you value with you.
Leave move as far away as possible. It is challenging especially when you don’t have much contact with your friends anymore.
You need to do it for your peace of mind health. That is the only way that you can heal.
Good
Absolutely Maya very well said. So pleased I made the move when I did, to leave this toxic relationship. Loving my life now, so peaceful and feel very relaxed too. Thank you for your comment.